


The Best-Laid Plans of Mice, Men, and Princesses

by androgenius



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: F/M, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-05
Updated: 2013-12-05
Packaged: 2018-01-03 14:09:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1071373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgenius/pseuds/androgenius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Kristoff and Anna make love, it's perfect in spite of being nothing like she thought it would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best-Laid Plans of Mice, Men, and Princesses

The first time Kristoff and Anna make love, it's perfect in spite of being nothing like she thought it would. 

Anna's bedroom was to be the setting, right by the hearth of the fire on the fur rug on the floor, the time the middle of winter, following their engagement. He was to lay her out on the ground-- after asking her (officially) to marry him over their family dinner-- kiss her until she couldn't think straight anymore, and then it was just supposed to... _happen_!

Like all good plans of mice and men, their carefully-thought-out lovemaking never actually happens. Or rather-- Anna's carefully-thought-out lovemaking. 

The problem with her plan, of course, was that it had been entirely in her own head, a plot of her own devising of which she never actually informed Kristoff.

How he was supposed to know was a mystery to all, especially Elsa.

Anna, however, was convinced that having a crafty, scheming sister as queen (because people really don't dare disagree with her on just about anything) was the solution to her problem, so telling her all this as her head hung off the edge of her bed, braids touching the floor, seemed like the perfect solution.

"It's just going to... happen?"

"Mmhmm!"

"Do you even know _how_ to make love, Anna?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure Kristoff does, and that's all we really need to worry about!"

"Has it occurred to you that your mountaineer ice deliverer isn't actually a prince?"

Rolling over, Anna scoffed, letting her hand fall limply on her wrist with a disbelieving laugh.

"Right! Like that helped matters before!"

"That was different! You'd barely met the man!"

"Precisely! And I've known Kristoff for over a year! He helped bring me to talk to you, would have saved my life if I hadn't decided to go be such a badass myself, and he's been my boyfriend for a considerable amount of time! Perfect husband material."

For some reason, she'd gotten it in her head that rolling over onto her back once more made her look infinitely cuter, and therefore, less likely to be denied.

Sighing in defeat, Elsa just shook her head. "I'll... think about it, okay? It's one thing to... _date_ him, give him a new sled to replace the one you broke, make him the official royal ice deliverer-- but _marriage_?"

"Elsa! I love him!" 

"Just--" She sighed again. "Promise me you'll talk to those troll friends of his before you start talking about lovemaking, because just trusting that your man knows what to do is... not a great plan."

"Why?"

"Because men tend to be clueless to women's needs."

She was halfway out the room when Anna rolled back over and jumped off the bed to run after her.

"Talk to him about my plan!"

And that had been that, Anna huffing as her sister just threw a _look_ over her shoulder. _Honestly_. True love needed some coaxing sometimes, as she'd learned from the disaster that had been her engagement to Hans, and Elsa was _not_ making this any easier. 

A few weeks later of _nothing happening_ , Anna finally takes it upon herself to mention it on one of her and Kristoff's outings with Sven and his brand new sled.

"Kristoff," she clears her throat with a smile. "What do you know about lovemaking?"

Choking on-- something-- Kristoff's eyes go wide as he starts coughing, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red as he stares over at her.

" _What_?!"

"Love-making! I told Anna that I didn't know exactly how it worked, but that you would, of course."

"What on earth makes you think that I'd know?!"

"Your comments about foot size, for one!"

Scoffing, he rolls his eyes. 

"That's _still_ true, by the way."

"Oh? What's yours, then?"

"Fourteen, why? I thought foot size wasn't supposed to matter." A beat. "Why, what was Hans' shoe sizw--"

Whacking him in the arm, she crosses her own in front of her chest, blowing her bangs out of her forehead with a huff. "For your information, I didn't ask!"

"Because it doesn't matter?"

" _Precisely_ ," she nodded, Kristoff bringing them to a stop just under the frozen willow trees, every single one of them seeming to glisten like Christmas lights. 

"Why so curious, hm? Am I not moving fast enough for you?" Chuckling, he unhooks Sven from his sled, moving some of the willow branches to make way for them to pass through, inadvertently making them tinkle like windchimes alongside the smile on his face.

"What? No! No, no, it's fine, I just thought--"

Chuckling again, he shakes his head, reaching to grab hold of Anna's with a smile. "Relax. I don't mind."

They walk in silence for a little bit, Anna worrying the tips of her fingers together as she considers the task at hand. As it is, she's getting nowhere fast. Which is definitely not where she wanted to end up.

"Just as beautiful as last time, huh?"

"Haveyoueverdoneit?" It all comes out in a rush, Kristoff just blinking at her as he realizes that she's not done with the topic yet, reaching to touch on the back of his neck.

"I mean... yeah?"

Squinting at him, Anna places her hands on her lips, cocking her head. "Oh really? With _whom_?"

"With--" He frowns, shaking his head as he looks at her. "Does it matter?"

Leaning in, her eyes go wide, her voice dropping to a horrified whisper. "You didn't do it with _Sven_ \--"

"What?! _No_!" Covering the reindeer's ears, Kristoff looks mortified. Sven is my best friend! Best friends are off limits! Or do you see me going around asking if you've slept with your sister?!"

" _Ew_! Mister, that is _inappropriate_!"

"Well?" He takes her hand, smiling entirely too widely to be trusted. "What about you?"

"Excuse me, sir, I am a _princess_!" Reaching into the snow with her gloves, she holds up a handful. "I am as pure and innocent as this beautiful, unsullied--"

"Evidently not innocent enough to not ask about foot size..."

"Hey!" Kristoff starts off running as Anna takes after him, intent on tackling him to the best of her ability, even despite the considerable size difference between them.

When she does catch up, it's only because she collides with Kristoff's back, promptly falling backwards and into the snow before he picks her up, Anna squealing for a moment until he starts carrying her the rest of the way... to... a cabin?

"So, I guess all princesses want to wait until they're married...?" 

"I didn't say that..." Looking around herself, Anna frowns, not recognizing any of this in the least. "Where are we going?"

"I thought you said you liked surprises," Kristoff chuckles, kicking the door in to get it to open and tossing Sven a bag of carrots. "Sven, we'll be back. Promise."

If she's honest, she's not sure that she didn't see Sven wink at Kristoff before going to tend to his food.

Setting her down after kicking the door closed again, he doesn't hesitate before going to make a fire, Anna watching him curiously.

"... did you talk to Elsa?"

Kristoff just laughs. "Are you kidding? Request an audience with the queen so I can ask if I might whisk you away from her? Yeah, _that_ would go over well."

He has a point.

He wouldn't just go talk to Elsa about this. And she certainly wouldn't tell him about Anna's plan of how he ought to propose and subsequently make love to her, especially not after insisting that Anna learn about lovemaking from the _trolls_ first.

(That would not be an enjoyable experience.)

Clearing her throat, she starts slowly walking through the room, looking here and there as if trying to figure out its secrets, some plan that Kristoff devised to surprise her with.

"I just... you know... was wondering... because of the fire? And maybe... something I said before--"

"About lovemaking?"

"... yes, or shoe size, that maybe... you went to talk to Elsa?"

Kristoff doesn't turn to look at her, just scoffing. Anna can't help but wonder if it's because he's blushing.

"Nope."

Or maybe she's just delusional. 

"Well, okay..."

Going to sit on the bed, Anna peers under her dress. There's nothing romantic about this getup at all. If she'd known that he was going to whisk her away into the middle of the most romantic, snow-covered place, she'd have at least attempted--

"Come warm up? You must be cold."

He's been nervous about that ever since she frozen to death-- well, almost. Getting up, he hurriedly leads her over to the fire to get her to warm up a bit, if only because the slightest mention of her being cold makes him picture her hair turning white once more-- and, y'know, dying. But she's fine now, just smiling up at him so fondly as he urges her a bit closer. There's no bear-skin rug on the ground for them to make love on in front of the fireplace, and when she starts sweating somewhat, she can't help but begin to question her own decision.

"So... why are we here?"

"It's a surprise," he smiles again before opening the back door to pull inside what appears to be a snow-covered picnic basket, Kristoff hurriedly brushing it off. "Ta-da! It might have gotten a bit... cold, but that just means it's been kept fresh! Ice-deliverers know this kind of thing."

Chuckling to herself as he pulls out a small, extremely deep-frozen keg of beer with a sigh, he joins her in front of the fireplace, setting their food up to start defrosting.

"It'll... get warmer?"

"It's okay. I don't mind. I'm just glad to be here with you," she takes his hand, smiling from one ear to the other.

"Even though I'm not a prince?"

"Hey! Official Arendelle Ice Master and Deliverer _definitely_ is a royal title! Good enough. Besides," she quickly adds, "it's not like I'm going to be queen anytime soon, so I don't see anyone cari-- _oh_!"

Kristoff kisses her before she has any chance to react, just smiling as he pulls away.

"Don't worry so much. That's my job." A beat. "Are you cold? I brought blankets--"

"Kristoff, I'm sweating!"

Just looking at each other for a long moment of Kristoff blinking at her, Anna starts laughing, seeming to set Kristoff off in the same direction-- before he moves to kneel in front of her, Anna's eyes going wide. 

"I do want to do more of that. So I... uh... wanted to ask your permission--"

"Oh no." 

Standing up, Anna's eyes go wide as shakes her head. "Oh nonono _no_. You can't-- I mean-- not here! Not without talking to my sister!"

"Relax!" Kristoff laughs again. "That's not what I'm saying."

"Then... what... are you saying?"

"I want your permission to make love to you."

The world seems to come to a sudden stop. Only the chunk of snow falling off the roof with a loud, soft _thud_ seems to interrupt Anna's staring at him, her cheeks bright red and her eyes as big as dinner plates as she starts sputtering.

"I, ah, that-- that is-- um-- what?"

"Do you not want to?" Getting up to take both her hands, Kristoff could not possibly look more concerned. It's as endearing as it is horrifying. God! Why does she have to be nervous about this _now_?!

"No-- no, I mean-- I mean, no, that's not-- I want to! I just-- I've never--"

Kissing the back of her hands, their food and the fire long-forgotten, Kristoff doesn't hesitate as he starts to walk backwards toward the bed, Anna trailing before him, still just as flushed as Kristoff smiles.

"We'll figure it out together."

"It's just that I had this plan, see! And I-- I trust you, of course-- it's just-- that this is really unexpected, although-- now that I think about it, I don't actually... know that anything else would have been any better? Even if we'd gone with my plan-- I would have probably sweat to death, for one thing-- and then there's the--"

Kristoff kisses her again, _thank goodness._

Picking her up, he eases her down on the bed just as easily as he lifted her up before, getting the blanket out from under her to cover them both before getting on all fours to hover over her, his gigantic hand splayed out on her front, more than ready and willing to take off her robe... and everything else, as it would seem.

"May I?"

He looks so sweet and innocent and kind as ever, that Anna doesn't even hesitate before nodding, feeling the clasp of her robe come undone before Kristoff starts on her laces. If she's honest, she feels a little useless just lying there, and that's not really her style, so she decides to make herself useful, starting on his sash at his waist.

From the look on his face, it's obviously a surprise to Kristoff, glancing down and back up at her again before continuing with a slight shrug. After all, she's always been like this, his little feistypants, no need to stop her now.

She's got his top half uncovered fast enough, Kristoff pulling back to tug off his undershirt to the sight of...

"Oh _my_ ," Anna just mouths to herself, Kristoff hopping out of the bed briefly to make fast work of his pants. She's still... mostly dressed, and she sits up to start taking off her winter boots and stockings underneath. 

It's a mistake, because when she looks up again to see where Kristoff is at in the whole undressing process, he's naked. 

" _Oh_ \--"

It comes out as more of a squeak than anything else, Anna's eyes going wide as she looks, looks away, and promptly finds her eyes drawn back down again.

"So... that's what a shoe size of fourteen looks like," she whispers, Kristoff coming back over to pick up her cape and boots to set aside, reaching down to lift her dress over her head with her bodice loosened.

Left in nothing but her cyan blouse, Anna is a sight to behold, and it's Kristoff's turn to go wide-eyed and speechless, just muttering _wow_ to himself under his breath before shaking his head.

"Um... uh-- do you need-- some help with--" A beat. "Are you cold?"

She can't help it, she starts giggling, Anna just pulling him in to kiss him again, getting Kristoff to join her under the covers once more.

"It's warm in here, but it's even warmer with you," she admits softly, bringing his hands up to attend to her blouse, his sizable fingers just this side of clumsy with her buttons.

"You're really-- beautiful," he admits with a soft exhale, smiling up at her for a moment before pulling her blouse open, his eyes going wide all over again. "Really, really beautiful."

It's then that Anna realizes that lovemaking isn't the sort of thing you plan at all. It's something that just sort of happens because two people love each other enough to actually want to see each other naked. That Kristoff loves her enough to want to see her in the morning when her hair is a mess and she's drooling on him. 

"I love you," she whispers softly, not a bit of hesitation in her voice as Kristoff beams back at her. "I love you, too."

It's the last thing he says before occupying his mouth with kissing her again, working his way slowly down her front to take one firm peak of a nipple in his mouth to suckle on, the hand not massaging her hip going to squeeze at the swell of her unattended breast, Anna's head falling back with a gasp.

"Oh--"

Taking his time with the left side, it's only a matter of time before he takes the same amount of caution and care with the other, watching the cold air coming in to under their blanket from the room making her nipples go stiff and hard, his thumb gently pinching with a smile up at her.

"Absolutely perfect."

All Anna can seem to do is exhale, every bit as shocked as she was upon seeing him in all his mountaineer-man-glory, every last bit of him seeming to be nothing but muscles and-- _well_ \-- _that_. 

Gently parting her legs, he moves between them, slowly making his way down her middle, kissing at her stomach, at the base of her gut... 

Anna just whimpers. 

Of course, that's where he stops, going instead to her knees to start kissing a trail up the inside of her thigh-- first one, than the other, littering a series of absolutely agonizing kisses up, up, _up_ \--

"Mmgh," Anna whines when he stops again, pouting down at him. Then, ever so softly-- " _Please_?"

Kristoff just grins, the look on his face so entirely delighted with himself as he decides to lick a long stripe up the center of her, ending at her clit to suckle her gently into his mouth, Anna's head falling back with a cry. 

So _that's_ what lovemaking is, eyes fluttering and rolling back as she writhes under him, squirming and feeling entirely like she's lost control of her entire body.

"K-Kristoff--"

He pushes a single finger inside of her before she makes another sound, her eyes going wide as her hips buck up toward him, helpless to do anything but.

Then another.

"Ohh--"

His fingers are huge, Anna feeling him scissor them inside of her as if to get her to stretch open for him, adjust her to--

Oh no.

Oh _god_.

"Ahh-- ah-- K-Kristoff--"

Pulling back and off of her clit, he just looks up at her, all smiles.

"Yes, Feistypants?"

"If you think that's going to fit--" It won't.

Chuckling despite himself, Kristoff just grins. " _Relax_. It'll fit."

She can't be so sure of that, but as Kristoff keeps fucking her with his fingers, curling them up inside of her to make her see stars, she starts to wonder if bigger might not actually _be_ better.

"Oh-- oh, oh-- ohohohhh-- _Kristoff_!"

Another soft _thud_ of snow from the roof of their little sanctuary is more than enough proof that Anna is every bit as loud in bed as she is everywhere else in her life, and Kristoff grins against her as he starts lapping at her cunt again, taking turns suckling and licking every last bit of her as though she's the greatest feast he's ever partaken in, his fingers just speeding up in their motion inside of her.

"Ahh-- mm-- o-oh god! Kristoff, _don't stop_!"

Something is building up to some kind of peak, she just doesn't know what it is, Kristoff taking a moment to clean her up again from the base of her to the very tip before reclaiming her clit in his mouth again to make her scream, curling his fingers inside of her.

She's coming before she even knows what's happening to her, feeling her body buck up with a loud moan as her cunt clenches tightly around Kristoff's fingers.

"... there it is," he gasps out as he pulls back, just licking his lips as he pulls his fingers out of her pulsing cunt again, breathless but smiling himself before coming back up to kiss her again, lining himself up at her entrance.

"Oh-- K-Kristoff--"

"Shh... I promise I'll be careful. We'll take it slow," he nods, pushing inside of her just slightly. 

Oh. _God._

"More?"

"Mmhm--" Anna nods, closing her eyes as Kristoff hitches her legs up onto his hips, pushing into her a little bit more. Tight and wet from her arousal and much as her orgasm, the movements are easy, not jerky and painful in the least, Kristoff slowly and steadily continuing with Anna's repetitive nodding of her head.

Until she stops, that is, starting to shake her head as she stares down. 

"I-- I think there's something in the way."

"That's normal, and it should hurt too much because I've already stretched you--" he glances down at her with a frown, leaning in to kiss her as his thumb moves to keep touching her clit before pushing inside of her fully. 

Anna gasps against his lips despite herself-- it's tight, her walls only slowly relaxing around his size, but the way he keeps touching her is more than enough to keep her distracted from the discomfort evoked by his size.

"Are you okay?" Pulling back to look at her, Kristoff seems the very picture of guilt and worry, Anna's heart warming as she draws her arms around him to pull him in close, her legs wrapping about his waist almost instinctively with a nod.

"I'm okay." He doesn't look convinced. " _Really_ ," she nods again. "I'm really okay."

"Okay," he swallows hard, pulling away from her only to look at their joined bodies with a somewhat sheepish smile. "... can I move? Or is it too soon?"

"I... I think you can move." Not to mention that a part of her really kind of wants him to. "But-- I'm not the expert, so I don't-- _oh_ -ohh--"

He doesn't wait for her to finish the sentence before pulling out of her and promptly pushing back inside once more, a low grunt leaving him as he keeps thrusting, slowly gaining in speed.

"Still doing all right??"

"Mm-- mm, oh god--" 

One of her hands tangles in her pillow, tugging at the fabric to try and get more of it in her grasp all at once, something to hold onto, as the other moves around Kristoff's neck to keep him close, fingers twisting into his hair with a moan.

"K-Kristoff--"

He starts touching her clit again without her even needing to ask him, her hips jerking up as Anna realizes that _Elsa was wrong_. Not all men are as clueless as she claimed. Not her Kristoff. 

"I love you," she whispers again, smiling so widely that Kristoff has to do a double-take before beaming back at her, kissing her once more, long and deep.

"I love you, too."

And she can feel it-- with every movement from him, every touch and every kiss-- even when he hitches her legs up and shifts the angle, though Anna can't actually consciously process the fact in the least, not when he pushes inside of her at _just_ the right angle once more.

" _Ah_ \--!"

He stops almost instantly, laying her back down again from where he'd had her hips lifted up, rejoining her near her face. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you?"

" _Do that again!_ "

His eyes widen for a moment before he hurries back into position to keep fucking her, hitting her g-spot again, one leg in his hands to keep her steady, the other moving back to her clit.

"Tell me when you get close again," he pants, Anna frowning for a moment until she realizes what he means, promptly swatting his hand away. 

"You-- g-go faster, I'll keep touching myself," she nods hurriedly, fore- and middle-finger both setting off at a rapid pace to touch herself as fast as possible, a loud moan leaving her as Kristoff speeds up.

"Oh-- ohhh-- ohoh _oh_ \--" 

Frantically nodding to Kristoff, he speeds up once more, grabbing her hips to keep thrusting until he feels her start to clench around his length, taking it as his cue to thrust into her once, twice more before coming alongside her with a loud groan, his forehead tucked neatly into the crook of her neck, holding her close, Anna half-moaning, half-panting with her release, legs still wrapped tightly about Kristoff.

They stay like that for a long moment, Kristoff just keeping her as near to him as possible, Anna entirely too shocked to move.

"Okay," she gasps after a long moment. "I admit it. Foot size... does matter."

Raising his head once more to look up at him, Kristoff grins, kissing her without a hint of hesitation.

"I am giving you a new job," she smiles when he pulls back. "Official Royal Lovemaker. Just don't tell Elsa, because I am _not_ sharing."

&

It's the day after their return from their little venture up into the snowy mountains, Elsa giving her suspicious looks and Anna always doing her best to stammer and stutter her way through _anything else_ to talk about but their trip, her classic, favorite method of avoidance, that Elsa sets up the ice skating rink once more in the middle of the town square. With her ice skating boots on, courtesy of her big sister, the last person she expects to join her in boots of his own is Kristoff, twirling her only to catch her again as she's about to fall.

"You look beautiful," he beams, Anna just grinning back, their shared secret enough to have her smiling like a loon for what she expects to be many days to come-- that is, if Kristoff agrees to continue doing his new royal job... on the princess' own orders to do so.

What she doesn't expect is for him to get on one knee in front of the entire town to propose to her, Elsa tearing up as she beams, applauding alongside everyone else when she hears herself say _yes_ without even a hint of hesitation. 

The best-laid plans of mice, men, and princesses, never quite work out as planned. 

More often than not, they turn out _much better._


End file.
